Queue and Eh?

Wasted Bandwidth IV: Return Of The Bandwidth

2006-07-18T04:27:00.000Z

Anthony and I just had a very lengthy discussion about irony in all its forms. We reached a healthy consensus about it's definition. This is the conversation that took place right before our discussion about irony.

Enjoy,
Nick

Nick:
I scored 3 points tonight

Anthony:
I got 5

Nick:
so I'm only losing by 3 now

Nick:
Ha!

Anthony:
I have 7 lined up for tommorow

Anthony:
with a possible extra 5

Anthony:
and if I'm lucky, who knows. The sky is the limit.

Nick:
eggs rolls smell terrible

Anthony:
I prefer spring rolls

Nick:
you prefer jelly filled man rolls

Wasted Bandwidth 3: 4 Times Faster and Like 15 Times More Furiouser

2006-06-06T21:44:00.000Z

Today, June 6th, 2006 (coincidentally 6+6+06 according to the producers of the remake of The Omen) is the one year anniversary, plus three days, of Nick and I stinking up the internet with our lame excuse for "witty" repartee. To be honest, it started out lamer than average. We didn't even mock one another. Mostly because we haven't posted anything here since January, here is the conversation Nick and I just had.

Enjoy,
Anthony

Anthony:

Happy year and three days of knowing me.

Nick:

yep

Nick:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times

Anthony:

You have such a way with words.

Anthony:

and by that I mean you are can barely be considered functionally literate.

Nick:

true da

Nick:

t

Anthony:

minus that extra are from before I changed the sentence

Nick:

i like how you fucked up the sentence in which you called me almost illiterate

Anthony:

I really need to edit my attacks on the literacy of others more carefully.

Anthony:

Great minds...

Nick:

i won't tell anyone.

Nick:

and by anyone, I mean everyone.

Nick:

and by won't, i mean will

Anthony:

Meh, everyone knows that I can barely put two words together without a basic spelling mistake, a grammatical error or a typo that makes a benign word into a racial slur.

Nick:

like an unfortunate misspelling of niger

Nick:

Niger

Anthony:

You'd be surprised how often that happens with the names of West African nations.

Nick:

I always mispell Zimbabwe

Nick:

I spell it GuidoWop

Anthony:

Yeah or that time I misspelled Senegal as "Fuck you, you fucking dirty Armenian"

Wasted Bandwidth II: Electoral Boogaloo

2006-01-26T02:49:00.000Z

Nick and I have decided that despite the strong rejection it has received from readers, Wasted Bandwidth will become a regular feature here at "Queue and Eh?". The interviews will return (eventually), but were never intended to be the only feature; incidentally we are still accepting contributions. Today's Wasted Bandwidth continues the Canadian theme of the last, now celebrating the underwhelming victory of the Conservative Party in the Canadian general election. "Cyborg Harper" is in reference to my answer to a question Nick had over at Tranglin to the Oldies.

Enjoy,
Anthony

Anthony:

poop

Nick:

indeed

Anthony:

that's what you always say

Nick:

That's what you always say.

Nick:

happy birthday.

Nick:

If Harper becomes a cyborg are you going to leave the country?

Anthony:

I think a cyborg Harper would be scary indeed

Nick:

I agree.

Anthony:

I think that Monday night was actually a sad moment for the conservative movement in Canada. The two conservative parties merged into one, the Liberal Party was caught with their hands in the cookie jar, the Conservatives ran one of the smoothest campaigns in Canadian history while the Liberals were constantly screwing things up, and 124 seats is the best they could do.

Nick:

you should post that.

Nick:

that's hilarious

Anthony:

I'm on it

Nick:

word bitch

Wasted Bandwidth

2006-01-20T19:26:00.000Z

Last night Nick and I had a chat. As usual, it was brilliant. Here is the transcript of the first part, which I have edited for clarity and length. There is no real context, the begining is in fact where Nick began the conversation. A general context could be my argument that American news tends to ignore anything outside of the US, and on a temporary basis, Iraq.

Enjoy,
Anthony

Nick:

you're the galupt one

Anthony:

I've never been galupt.

Nick:

I saw it on the news

Anthony:

No you didn't. I know for a fact that ALL of Canada would have to blow up for it to make it on the news there, it would still be a smaller story than someone finding a thumb in a can of pepsi in delaware.

Anthony:

I left out the "and" between the two parts of that

Anthony:

imagine it

Nick:

it stills reads correctly

Nick:

also hilariously

Anthony:

but is somewhat awkward

Nick:

maybe for your feeble canadian mind

Anthony:

Maybe for my higher English language standards... like "beleive"

Anthony:

I thought I'd preempt that

Nick:

preempter

Anthony:

yep

Nick:

If canada blew up and it wanted air time it would have to schedule the explosion during the superbowl and pay millions for a thirty second spot in which to explode.

Anthony:

And it would still only run in Buffalo Detroit and Seattle

Nick:

those are the target markets after all

Anthony:

Well they're the ones that won’t be able to hop across the border for flu shots and cheap prescriptions anymore.

Nick:

we have a Canada Drug here in town

Anthony:

Is it that in name only, or does it actually buy its products in Canada and resell them in the US?

Nick:

I have no idea, despite my insurance company's many flaws, getting cheap pills is not among them

Anthony:

I think it may be like Canada Dry, only a name.

Anthony:

Or maybe it's actually named after the Canada River.

Nick:

probably

Nick:

that seems unlikely

Anthony:

you're unlikely

Nick:

you seem unlikely

Anthony:

your face is unlikely

Nick:

i was going to try and beat you to iy

Nick:

web messenger licks the balls of a dead goat

Anthony:

You should probably stick to beating yourself!

Anthony:

OH SNAP!

Nick:

too bad no one saw it

Anthony:

I'll post this convo later.

Anthony:

I was thinking I might post the Canada in the news part

Nick:

that was pretty funny

Anthony:

i thought so

Nick:

especially when nick said the thing about the super bowl

Anthony:

We should post it at Q&A

Anthony:

just cause we can

Anthony:

and cause we should post something

Nick:

we have the power

Nick:

actually you have the power since I'm using web messneger

Nick:

messenger

Anthony:

messneger was precarious

Nick:

which as I said licks dead balls

Anthony:

dead balls?

Anthony:

is that worse than living ones?

Nick:

well i said it licks the balls of a dead goat, I paraphrased the second time

Anthony:

i hate paraphrasing

Interview III : Little Miss Knit

2005-12-01T05:45:00.000Z

Nick and I, thinking that maybe there were too many men-folk 'round here, decided to find some womens, you know, before people started asking questions. Also, after interviewing two bloggers who post absurdity and obscenity almost exclusively, we decided maybe we should broaden our focus to include someone whose blog is a bit more serious. Both Nick and I agreed that Little Miss Knit would be a great choice for our next interview. And away we go...

VITAL STATISTICS

Name: Little Miss Knit/ Knitty Kitty

Age: 22, which is hanging on by a thread

Height: 5’5”

# of weeks since last Tim Horton's Coffee: Too many... I think 10

QaE: How long do you see yourself as a blogger?

LMK: I just hit my one year mark, and I still haven’t run out of things to write about... so I guess until that happens.

QaE: What is your real life friend to online friend ratio?

LMK: Hmm... real life friends 4-7 maybe? I seem to be making new online friends all the time, but right now, I would say 5-10.

QaE: Whose is your favorite blog to read?

LMK: It all depends...
When I’m feeling light and funny? Sacrelicious
When I’m feeling artsy? Anthony or Dia
When I miss my baby? TorontoFilmGrad
When I want a funny picture? Ubie
When I want to learn more about Australia? Loz
When I want to hear stories from another teacher? Brooke
When I want to hear from my twin? Miss HT Psych
When I want to angry up my blood? Angry Republican Mom

QaE:Mac or PC?

LMK: Sadly, PC.

QaE: What was the last song you listened too?

LMK: “The Littliest Birds” by The Be Good Tanyas off the Weeds Soundtrack.

QaE: What kind of whip do you floss?

LMK: Magical Trevor’s

---

QaE: You are one of the most overtly political bloggers in a group that mostly discusses personal, mundane and humourous topics. What do you feel is your position within the blog community to which you belong and what significant opportunities and difficulties does this position bring with it?

LMK: I think people assume when they come to my blog that I will be outrageous, because I talk about EVERYTHING. This can be nice because sometimes people are willing to engage in a discussion about things that they wouldn’t willingly talk about face to face. It can also be a little alienating, I’ve noticed that when I talk about things like vibrators people back off, which I find funny. I did the Vagina Monologues, and my mother was a labour and delivery nurse, so I’ve been talking about things surrounding sex for a long, long time.

The only difficulty I find is that when I do try to be funny or personal, people don’t really know what to do, and don’t comment.

QaE: What difficulties does feminism still need to overcome, particularly in the West, and what do you see as the future of the feminist movement into the 21st century?

LMK: There is still this assumption that the “Feminist Fight” has been won. Feminism was started to give women basic human rights and now that we have those (vote, work, divorce) there are some that assume we live in a world of equality. We have to watch TV in order to imagine a woman president, and even then it’s Geena Davis!?!

Feminism in the west still has to overcome that apathetic mentality, and start better representing those women that are being abused and mistreated under their own noses. I think with the growing issue of human trafficking, and the treatment of illegal immigrants, there is still a lot that the West needs to work on.

There are women that are being treated as sub-human in Canada, America and especially Mexico and they have no voice or advocate.

Maintaining our own rights in our own countries also seems to be a major concern right now. The Bush Administration prides itself on taking down the “rape rooms” of Iraq and bringing women’s rights to Afghanistan, yet we are watching them turn back the clock on the rights women fought for on our own soil.

QaE: What are the greatest strengths and weaknesses of the blog format?

LMK: The greatest strength about the blog format is that any nutjob with a reason to write can start a blog. The great weakness about the blog format is that any nutjob with a reason to write can start a blog.

I think that the blog format is great for creating discussion and for opening a dialogue with people you wouldn’t have the opportunity to do otherwise. I was recently in a debate with a “pro-cell cluster” man on Angry Republican Mom’s blog, and I would never have the ovaries to go into the debate in real life.

Blogging seems to give people this massive sense of self-worth and power. In “the real world” would people show up and call Ubie awful names for making fun of David Soul? Would they arrive in rabid packs to call me and other women whores and disgusting pieces of human garbage on Viceless in Left Field? There is no accountability since we are all anonymous. The blog world is only starting to find that liability with new ways of searching for who is creating links of your posts. I think this will be short lived though, since people will just stop linking to blogs.

QaE: You often use instant messaging with other bloggers, what different dimension does this add to the blogging experience?

LMK: When you talk to someone online it is in real-time, which can be a lot of pressure to be interesting. Online chatting also allows you to be more open since there isn’t this transcript for all to see, and that allows you to be more relaxed. The online chatting also provides you with inside jokes about each other, which when transported back into the blogger world can be very funny, but only for the two of you that are in on it.

QaE: Both the country you are from and the country you live in are in politically tumultuous times. What, in your opinion, are the greatest issues that Canadians and Americans must face today, and what, if anything, can the two countries learn from each other?

LMK: Canadians were described by Robin Williams as the loft apartment overtop of a great party going “Keep it down eh!” I think Canadians are like the grown up relatives of America (even if Canada is younger), sitting back, watching them make massive mistakes in the name of their ego. The American ego needs to find some humility, and they could learn that from Canada. America has lost a lot of its credibility because of its refusal to admit fault and its inability to have sensitivity to other cultures. I think it’s sad that when my American friends go to travel overseas they ask me for Canadian flag patches for their backpacks and pins for their coats to keep other countries from thinking they are American. If one person doesn’t like you, then you can say that it is a problem with that one person, but if millions of people don’t like you, then maybe you need to examine yourself.

Canada needs to learn to grow a pair. We are very compassionate and understanding, but are letting the Americans trample all over us with export issues. Canada could use a little more ego, a little more self-assuredness so that they could shake off this timid little old lady persona it has developed in the global community. What do people always say when they talk about Canada?
- Everyone there was so polite!
- It was so clean!
- They play football funny.

I want Americans to know more about Canada then just that, and that won’t happen until we become more of a global force. Canadians also need to learn to have more pride in ourselves. We are very happy to be distinguished from Americans, and hold our identity very close, yet are less willing to support Canadian television programming and films. We have to find a way to bridge that gap.

QUESTIONS FROM A CANADIAN; A NEARLY ALLITERATIVE TITLE

Anthony: Is there a Canadian identity?

LMK: I think Canada definitely has an identity, but it is based more on trying to find differences with Americans. I love the Canadian Content laws that force television, print and radio to dedicate a certain percentage of their content to Canadian actors, singers and writers; I just wish that they weren’t necessary.

A lot of my family and friends work in the “Hollywood North” film industry, helping to create American film about American lives, all the while pretending that Toronto or Vancouver are “AnyLargeTown, USA”. I think we need to provide better support for television shows and movies that actually portray the Canadian experience. We have an identity, we just don’t recognize it.

Anthony: What do you miss most/least about Canada?

LMK: I don’t miss the snow and the cold, nor do I miss Global News, the Fox of Canada.

I miss:
Health Care
Tim Horton’s
“The Hour”
“Corner Gas”
Canadian Concerts
Being able to get good food from any nationality.

From Toronto:
The Creperie Near TFG’s old apartment
Queen St.
Bloor St. – great used CD shopping
Kensington Market
Just generally being able to walk anywhere I want and not have to rely on a car.

Anthony: How do you keep up with Canadian news, and how do you feel about the portrayal of Canada in the American media?

LMK: I get a lot of my news online, through Canoe, and the CBC website, and from BBC America. We have a laptop set up in our kitchen with an FM tuner so that CBC radio is broadcast into our radio, which lets my family feel like we are in Canada. I get a lot of flagged articles by email from TFG and HT Psych, and we get MacLean’s and Canadian Living (not that it provides much news) magazine delivered to our house. People that come to visit know not to show up without a newspaper, preferably not the National Post or the Sun.

What portrayal of Canada in the American media?

Anthony: Touche. Do you see yourself as part of the "brain-drain" of bright young Canadians seeking even greater opportunity and milder weather in the US?

LMK: Hardly. I’m not all that smart, and I’m going to another country to get educated (Australia) just so I can turn around and use the skills I’ve learned to benefit Canadians, since that is where I plan on starting my career and family. I’m like brain-drain in reverse.

Anthony: What have been the greatest challenges and rewards of living as a Canadian in the United States?

LMK: When I first moved to the States I lived in Montgomery, Alabama. The challenges there were pretty massive, with firstly convincing everyone that although I did speak fluent French, I wasn’t actually from Montreal. Convincing everyone that in Canada we had McDonald’s, didn’t live in igloos, and ate pizza was a challenge. Trying to explain that while we didn’t have MTV we were perfectly happy without it, especially since MTV stole our music network’s format was also difficult.

When I first moved there I had this irrational need to constantly remind everyone that I was different, and was in my mind, better then them. That didn’t go over so well, thank goodness that passed quickly.

When I came to California I found people to be a little more accepting of the unknown, and less ignorant, which was kinda nice. The work I have been able to do with kids here in California has been worth it, and being able to see what life really is like outside of Toronto.
People from Toronto seem to have the same mentality as people from New York, that everything they could possibly want or need to know is right there. Toronto is not the be all end all, and I have a better appreciation of that having moved around a lot.

---

Thank you to LMK for being the latest guinea pig in this experiment. It was a lot of fun for me to ask a Canadian some very Canadian questions. We'll be back next week, likely with a lot more input from Nick, and probably with a return to the general tone we've used thus far. Peace out.

Interview II : Todd

2005-11-22T07:14:00.000Z

Still reeling from our recent encounter with Calzone, we went to a Russian bathhouse in Vegas to cleanse ourselves and enjoy a bit of Vodka. As we were leaving we noticed a tall man soliciting a male prostitute and, recognizing him, approached. He was startled to see us, and promptly finished “getting directions” from the man-whore. We chatted for a couple minutes and he agreed to do an interview. God knows we need the ratings.

Ladies and Gentleman, it is with great pococurantism that I introduce to you: Todd, Lord and Master of Vulgarity.

VITAL STATISTICS

Name: Todd. The whole 'yournamehere' thing wasn't funny from the start and is getting less so by the second.

Age: I remember older neighborhood girls in disco garb. I'm old.

Height: 6'6"

QaE: 6'6"? Do you ever paint yourself green and talk in a Scottish accent?

Todd: No, but I've found a place that sells Big and Tall gimp outfits.

Number of Decapitated Hookers in Trunk: Decapitated? None. Disemboweled? Four.

--

ONE-ON-ONE INTERVIEW

QaE: If you were trapped waiting in the Las Vegas airport for all of eternity, what three things would you bring with you?

Todd: Earplugs; a camera to capture and share images of the "weekend warriors" who fly in from LA to turn tricks; cash, for liquor, coffee, and the aforementioned whores.

QaE: Who doesn't appreciate whores? Keeping in mind that our skins are thick, who do you think would be a better friend, Anthony, or Me?

Todd: I once opened a bathroom stall door and witnessed a man giving another man a blumpkin. That was the gayest thing I ever saw until I read this question.

QaE: What is your is your daily inspiration to keep on going?

Todd: I'd have to say my faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ. Also, I'd like to bang two chicks at once.

QaE: Much like whores, I appreciate Jesus. Let's move into the fluffy stuff. That was pretty gay too. Anyway, how long do you see yourself as a blogger?

Todd: I guess until people get tired of it. So, another week or two.

QaE: What is your real life friend to online friend ratio?

Todd: Damn, this is a cheap shot, guys. I have many friends in Louisville and only a few in Vegas. The number of online friends is growing, which is strange because I went into this just to entertain myself and was in fact skeptical of the whole online thing. I still am, in fact. The online world is just like the real world: Neck-deep in mediocrity and witlessness. Luckily, I've found a lot of cool people to talk to and joke around with.

QaE: You can count your Louisville Friends too. Also is Rick Pitino in the mafia or what?

Todd: If you count Louisville friends, I suppose I have more real life friends, but I speak with (or at least communicate to) my blogger friends more frequently. I hope Rick Pitino has mob ties. That would be cool.

QaE: Whose is your favorite blog to read?

Todd: Boobs, Injuries, and Dr. Pepper is hilarious to me. I came for the boobs, but I stayed for the injuries and Dr. Pepper. There are several female bloggers I read because I absolutely lust over them, but fear of de-linkage and restraining orders prevents me from listing them here.

QaE: Thanks for not kissing our asses, like that dragon.

Todd: Go fuck yourselves.

QaE: That’s the spirit. Mac or PC?

Todd: PC.

QaE: No Mac!? What kind of monster are you?

Todd: Someone gave me an old computer. I'm glad for what I have.

QaE: Whatever you say Cathy Christian. What was the last song you listened to?

Todd: The wait staff at Outback Steakhouse sang "Happy Birthday" to some guy at the table next to ours. Since I'm on Weight Watchers, I'm sitting there with a grilled chicken breast, steamed veggies, and a dry salad. No fucking bloomin' onion, either. None of those fuckers could carry a tune.

QaE: No Bloomin’ Onion?! I’ve killed people for less than that.

Todd: It was like going to a strip club and not getting a lapdance.

QaE: What kind of whip do you floss?

Todd: Is this slang?

QaE: Yes, it's slang but you can just answer it however you want. It doesn't matter.

Todd: That's my answer; “Is this slang?”

QaE: Oh, well all right then.

Todd: Fuckin' A, it's all right. Am I getting paid for this?

QaE: Do you consider the adoration of millions as a payment?

Todd: I would, but the adoration of five is what I'm stuck with.

QaE: That’s pretty much what I meant by “millions”.

STRAIGHT SHOT WITH SEAMAN

Nick: Word on the street is that you have actually met other bloggers in real life. You don't have to name names, but did you find this to be a daunting prospect? I am of the opinion that being outspoken is easy when one is safely behind a computer screen, but the act of physically meeting someone that one knows and interacts with on a semi-daily basis only through a tangled web of wires and cables seems downright terrifying. Maybe I’m just a pussy. What do you think?

Todd: I have met bloggers. I've met the bloggers on my Vegas VIP list; three of them at a party they invited me to. I met an out-of-towner on the Strip; I was nervous for that one, and I'm pretty sure I under whelmed and bored the shit out of this person. I had a wreck on the way home, so I didn't have much time to obsess over it.

Some other bloggers are going to come out in the next few months. I'll hang with them if they want. Certainly no one comes to Vegas because I live here.

Have you met other bloggers, Nick?

Nick: I'm asking the questions god damn it!

(silence)

Nick: Yeah.

--

After that, Todd left, sticking Anthony and I with the bar tab. I went to use the bathroom and took off out the window. I hope Anthony had some money or, at least, liked doing dishes. Or possibly, other "things".

So there you have it, a little peek into what makes Todd tick. Thanks for coming by and if you have any questions for the "Journalists" or Todd, please leave them in the comments section and we might answer them.

Interview I : Calzone

2005-11-16T16:37:00.000Z

After drinking litres and litres of Absinthe I finally came to terms with the fact that the subject of our first interview was a stuffed Dragon whose cotton fibers are stronger than his moral ones. I started hallucinating after awhile and envisioned a tiny little dragon who was actually cute, despite his numerous personality "quirks". After waking up naked in a dumpster behind the Applebees covered in Riblets, I got my shit together and went to meet Zoner for the first half of our interview. My initial mindset was crushed. His girth was, well... girthful and he cut an imposing figure. At first I just stared and stammered, but then he greated me withs daps and some kindies and we were old buddies.

Ladies and gentleman it is with great apathy that I introduce to you the filthiest stuffed animal in the history of stuffed things: Calzone.

--

Vital Statistics

Name: Calzone
Age: unknown
Height: What the Fuck is that supposed to mean?
Current Proximity to Liquor: I’m wasted yo’

--

One-on-one Interview

QaE: It seems like everybody has a blog these days, which is great. It's a wonderful medium through which to express oneself. What brought you and blogging together in such a beautiful and harmonious union?

Calzone: I’m just in to keeping it real and representing for all the dragons out there. I also like to look at myself on the computer. Sometimes I just stare at myself for hours, while I sit on my hand. Then when my hand is really asleep I masturbate.

QaE: Sure, that's called The Stranger, right? Any other masturbation secrets you’d like to share with... your fans?

Calzone: Just be you dog. Whatever gets you off. If you want to think about UberMilf doing your laundry while you eat a ham sandwich do it.

QaE: Your answer brings us to the next question. Your posts and the comments you leave are often times sexually driven and you don’t seem too particular about what you are doing or whom you are doing it to, what happened in your life to make you such a deviant?

Calzone: This is a very culturally insensitive question. I’m a fucking dragon, yo. In the old days we would just roll into a town and fuck everyone. I mean everyone. Old ladies, fat dudes, it don’t matter. The whole pillaging thing was a front, we would steal all sorts of gold but really we just wanted to get laid. I suppose it is a little freaky that I’m into feet and women acting like hypnotized servants. Most dragons are way more into bondage, needles and nipple clamps.

QaE: I have to say that, as a fat dude, I’m extremely happy that you gave up fucking my kind. I thought there were good dragons too. I don’t mean to imply that you’re not good. I’m just saying I thought there were also benevolent dragons that didn’t go around fucking everything.

Calzone: I didn’t say I gave up fucking fat guys, dude. It’s just more of a group mentality thing. I’d do it more to impress another dragon than I would if I were by myself. As to your other point why don’t you return Shrek to the video store? It’s three days late.

QaE: Maybe we should move on to the fluff questions.

--

Fluff Section

QaE: How long do you see yourself as a blogger?

Calzone: I don’t know, I just roll with it Dogpound

QaE: What is your real life friend to online friend ratio?

Calzone: I’ve got a few good ones in real life, one that Monkey loves, one he doesn’t dig too much, and a few that I just party with. Online I’d say I have about ten buddies.

QaE: Whose is your favorite blog to read?

Calzone: McDougal. He had one where he was a captive and a leprechaun kept fisting him. I don’t even think of having a party anymore without a Leprechaun around. Runners up are Monkey, Clog Hater, and Satan, and of course Queue and Eh?, those guys are so fucking hot right now.

QaE: Fuck yeah they are. Mac or PC?

Calzone: Who the fuck do you guys think you are?

QaE: Uh, ok. What was the last song you listened too?

Calzone: Sometimes I wish I was a Pretty Girl-Robyn Hitchcock

--

Email Interview

QaE: What kind of whip do you floss?

Calzone: Whips are overrated, and you look like a dork while carrying them around. If you hit a chick in the back of the head with a lamp you can pretty much whip her with anything you want.

QaE: Lamps, you say. Hmm…

Calzone: What? You don’t do that?? Are you just fronting?

QaE: Fronting? Me? I am offended. Moving on. I am thinking of a number, what is it? (editor's note: as these questions were asked via email Calzone did not know who was asking them.)

Calzone: It depends on who is asking. If it is Nick it will be a high number because he has low self esteem and wants to look good, if it is Anthony it will be a low number because he wears the dress in this relationship. If you both came up with it I’m too turned on to even think about it.

QaE: Do you think Snape is really evil or do you think he just did what was necessary to keep his cover with Voldemort?

Calzone: I’d like to answer but I think your Mommies are calling you for dinner.

--

Straight Shot with Seaman

Nick: Mildly homicidal, sex addicted, depraved, deranged, drug addicted and totally hot dragons have their secrets too. I know you are very open about your life with your readers, but everyone has something lurking in their closet. Time for you to shoot straight with your fans: What part did you play in the Dungeons and Dragons movie with Jeremy Irons?

Calzone: Most of my shit got cut. I was supposed to be in this scene where I came in wearing a cock ring, and I was all like “where are all the Asian women at”? So I was basically an extra, there is this one scene you can see my standing behind Irons, watch his face I’ve got my thumb up his ass..

Nick: A thumb up his ass, huh? That’s so couth. Well all right, Zoner, that’s all the questions that we had prepared for you. I think you’ve given us enough evidence against you… I mean insight into your inner workings. Yeah. Thanks for being the inaugural guinea pig we appreciate it.

--

We thank you all for coming out tonight. If you have any questions for Queue and Eh? or Calzone please leave them in the comments section and we'll try and answer them the best we can.

Day One

2005-11-13T23:25:00.000Z

The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything. Except what is worth knowing. Journalism, conscious of this, and having tradesman-like habits, supplies their demands.

Oscar Wilde

It is with great pleasure that I welcome you to Queue and Eh? a brilliant new blog-thing that will have interviews, and maybe other stuff too. The dream started at some point of time in the past when Nick concocted the insane notion to interview bloggers and post the drippings. Realization of that dream happened today, when he roped me into this obvious waste of my time, and gave the dream a witty name. I guess the "Eh?" is because I'm Canadian. "Queue" is obvious, Nick having been born and raised in Kansashire.

After studying painting under Rembrandt, Nick failed to realize any professional success in the art world. Destitute, owning nothing but a now worthless tulip bulb and an incomplete set of Joanie Loves Chachi collector's cups, Nick was forced to return to his first love by joining the All Netherlands Professional Ten Pin Bowling Club. In 1783, Nick placed second in the Pepsi ANPTPBC Cup. Following a successful string of appearances on ESPN Europe, Nick was offered his own interview based show, "Straight Shot with Seaman." He has since become a respected interviewer, surpassed only by Barbara Walters, who is due to die of old age any day now, anyways.

My story has been very different. Trained as a sniper, and deployed to France in 1944, it wasn't long before I was "injured" by a French prostitute. Upon recovery I was discharged and took a position with the CBC as a technician, piecing together front-line radio reports. After the war, I continued to work in radio, and scraped together everything I could to invest in a large-scale bakery business. Post-war food shortages made me fabulously wealthy, and I invested that money into creating continental Europe's first international daily English newspaper, The Internationalitarian. After a hostile buy-out in 1987, by Hollinger International, arranged by Conrad, Lord Black (the bastard), I've worked as chief editor of various publications and have served on multiple literary and journalistic boards and councils, most recently, the Board of Cuban Literary Studies of the New Zealand Book Council.

I really hope that Queue and Eh? will live up to the very high expectations I'm sure you all have of Nick and I, after all, we've never disappointed, have we? Really, have we? Cause if we have, you have to tell me. I'm on the edge here, I've just got to know, or who knows what I'll do. Oh God, not again. Damn it. Damn it!